A Jammy Start - Alternative London Branch
Match Report
10 August 2025
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Carlisle kicked off their start to their new season in the National League away at Woking.
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It was to be a Jammy Start:
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Steve Batey has been ‘all around the world’ in 2025, however navigating through East London he had trouble passing water and was 15 minutes late for our pre-Parkrun rendezvous. Frimley Lodge parkrun is one of the best. We both helped set up and then ran satisfactory times, our pre-season adrenaline carrying us both through the ‘long hot summer’.
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It was then destination 'Strange Town' as we headed to Woking, birthplace of legendary wordsmiths Paul Weller of the Jam and HG Wells, sci-fi writer extraordinaire.
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Firstly we found Stanley Road, album name, and where Weller grew up. Then we stumbled across a martian statue, tribute to HG Wells Invaders. Very soon over 1,000 Cumbrians would also be invaders in this Strange Town.
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When HG Wells ‘War of the Worlds’ was broadcast by CBS in 1938 listeners thought it was real and panicked with phone lines getting jammed and others fleeing for their lives. Thankfully just a few roads into Woking getting jammed was the worst today’s invaders caused.
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We visited the Light Box Gallery next, and it aptly had on a strange Pop Art exhibition by Andy Warhol. His dollar pop art a symbol of the Piatak’s influence on Cumbrian culture. After a fish finger sarnie, we set off for the meeting place boozer – the Sovereign.
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A good blend of familiar London Branch members and fans from Cumbria descended, with our very own ‘English Rose’, Swindon based, Anna doing a prediction recording. With ‘my ever changing moods’, I eventually went positive and suggested a 4-0 win, though concern for post-Xmas decline.
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With kick off imminent we all traipsed through a local park and to the stadium. As ‘this is a modern world’, there were no programmes for the impressive 3,962 in attendance. Carlisle started with 'absolute beginner' new signing Macadam making his debut. Despite over 1,000 fans we were strangely subdued, even allowing the Woking ‘Little Boy Soldiers’ banter to go unanswered.
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Carlisle started the better side, more direct, and Linney was awesome on the left. An early lob had Ross of Woking back peddling to tip over. A goalmouth scramble again kept us at bay. Woking had more possession and thought they had opened the scoring as an unmarked striker headed over Breeze, for the ‘bitterest pill’ to be deemed offside.
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Carlisle responded and from one of several corners Hayden produced the best save of the match from Ross as he tipped the header wide of the post.
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Half time, Jam songs, and a bit of Elvis and T-Rex – Now ‘That’s Entertainment’.
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Woking started the second half again controlling the ball with Carlisle looking long and wide. Woking have been a regular National League side and have also had some impressive Cup pedigree over the years.
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Whereas Carlisle’s two relegations were taking their toll on the fans. “Have You Ever Had It Blue” a genuine feeling with the Cumbrians in their new stripey home blue shirts with a red sliver of jam down the middle.
Steve and I added to this sliver by eating a cornflake and jam tart we had purchased earlier at the Light Box.
On 57 minutes Ellis threaded a perfect through ball onto the sprinting Armstrong, who showed he is also leg strong as he drove the ball low and hard into the bottom corner of the goal. One up.
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Linney should’ve increased the lead with a shot that Ross pushed onto the bar, only for Linney to hit the bar again on the rebound. I think his reward should be to adorn the front of Hit the Bar next issue (ed?).
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In the 81st minute a dubious free kick was awarded on the edge of the box. This jammy decision ultimately put the game to bed as Ethan Robson curled a beauty as ‘the walls came tumbling down’ and into the onion bag. Two up.
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Woking’s Beautyman had two late headers beat Breeze but they breezed narrowly wide, and Carlisle hung on for a jammy start.
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For me it’s a long way to go to decide if this team will be ‘the best thing that happened to me’… but who knows. In all 14 promotion seasons Carlisle have won the opening match.
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Ghost written by David Watts (with a gentle nod towards Jason Casey)
